Malaysia - Thailand... high speed chases, ladyboys, and HAWT HAWT HEAT!

We checked out of the bug hotel, and found a small 4 door car-sans trunk- awaiting us to drive us to the ferry terminal... there were already 2 large french men inside, and squeezing Kris, me, and our luggage made us look remarkably like a circus clown car... We boarded our ferry and hunkered down for the two hour trip to Thailand. When we arrived, being the docile Canadians we are, we allowed everyone, and their dogs, to bypass us in the line, and eventually found ourselves the last two people to clear customs... We eventually got our stamps, and headed for our "bus" which ended up being a 1984 Nissan pickup truck with 2 dodgy benches in the box for us to sit on. We were quite confused at first since we were promised an air conditioned coach to Phuket for the 6 hour drive when we booked our tickets... soon we realized this pickup was driving us to the bus depot where we would catch our actual bus. We arrived at the bus depot just in time to see our bus leaving it!!!!!!! We shouted at the drivers, who spoke NO English, and they proceeded to doddle around the depot, dropping off the other two passengers in the truck at their bus. We heard them yelling at someone in Thai on a cell phone and the next thing we knew, Kris and I were on a high-speed chase through the streets of Satun trying to catch up with our bus.... In case you're envisioning a polished freeway high speed chase, think again! Satun is a very small village/border crossing city with single lane roads, a buttload of motorbikes, and equally as many dodgy pickups trying to pass each other at any given opportunity.... So... We eventually took some side-roads, and found ourselves driving behind the large pink bus that we were supposed to be on. Our drivers were honking madly, and swerving around trying to get the attention of the bus driver- but the driver was either A. not paying attention, or B. assuming there was some obnoxious prick behind him who merely wanted to pass.... The next red light we made a crazy S maneuver and sped up to pass the bus, while Kris and I waved and yelled at the driver of the bus from our seats (if you can call them that) in the back of the pickup until he finally pulled over. Then we proceeded to be "those ignorant ferengi's" who missed their bus and had to board on the side of the road. Whatever.

Once we had finally stopped laughing and found some seats on the bus, we spent the next 8 hours (Thai time for a 6 hour trip) listening to, and watching Thai-boy music videos playing on the TV screen at the front of the bus, and blasting over the MANY speakers scattered throughout... Kris wanted to lose his mind after about 2 hours... I wanted to barf. So, I took some gravol and road the sleepy train for the rest of the trip.

Eventually we got to Phuket (pronounced Poo-get... not Fuck-it) and entered into a lively discussion in regards to our taxi price to Patong beach... Eventually we bartered buddy down to 300 Baht and were on our way to the lady-boy hub. We checked into a super nice hotel, that we got for pretty cheap and went out for a walk about town before heading back for an early night.

The next day we spent about 6 hours at the beach- Kris got lobster red- and then we got tickets to see the Simon's Cabaret Ladyboy show.... Front row tickets- seriously. We saw nipple on more than one occasion, and Kris was scouring the crotch areas for tucks, and thinks he may have spotted a few, though I argue many were post-op. After the show, we headed outside, and were greeted by a parade of drag-queens who marched me down the street and asked if I wanted a picture... I, being the naive Rupert girl I am, was like SURE!! We handed off our camera to a lady-boy pimp and he took a couple photos of Kris and I with the ladies/men (Kris got kissed by one of them! HAHAHA). After the photo, their nice facade quickly melted away and they demanded we pay them 500 BAHT (about $15)!!! Kris was like NO WAY BITCHES, but ended up giving them 200 so they wouldn't sick their pimp on us... Lesson learned.. always ask HOW MUCH first.

On our last day in Phuket, Canada Day, we had another rough day at the beach, where Kris rode the shade train and got a Aloe Vera massage from a little Thai lady with a bucket of huge Aloe leaves. In the evening, we slapped on one temporary Canadian flag tattoos, and wondered around the streets, being haggled by every other Thai person we passed before seriously considering buying the t-shirts they had available that said NO I DON'T WANT A FUCKING TUK TUK, MASSAGE, or SUIT!!

Yesterday, we checked out of our hotel and headed to the ferry to go to Ko Phi Phi, where the movie The Beach was filmed. It's sooooooo gorgeous here, and basically the most stressful part of any day includes waking up in time for breakfast (before 10), finding a lounge chair, and bartering for the best price on a new t-shirt/dress/bikini. My kind of life!

Last night we had dinner, and then watched some authentic Thai boxing that was going on at one of the bars that literally had a boxing ring in the middle of it. They started with tourists having a go at one another with leg, and face padding... then around midnight they brought out the real deal... INSANE. The boxers wore no face or leg protection and their kicks were about the speed of a professional baseball player swinging a baseball bat to hit a home run.... at one point, the guy wearing red jumped up and actually knocked the other guy flat on his back using his groin. After 4 redbull vodka's Kris was jumping out of his seat every other kick/punch saying WHAAAAAAT??? THAT WAS LIKE THE COOLEST MOVE EVER.... OH MY GOD... NO WAIT, THAAAAAAAAT WAS THE COOLEST MOVE EVER.... you get the idea. Eventually the guy wearing red sustained two serious kicks to the face and got knocked out which indicated the end of the match- we were mildly surprised they didn't fight to the death, cause it was looking that way about half way through....

After the fight, we got some street meat, and headed for the beach to watch some fire dancing. Now... take every smokey the bear safety warning message you ever heard growing up and make it the complete opposite- that is what you will find on the beach. Drunken tourists getting free BUCKETS (literally beach buckets) filled with booze for free every hour during ten minute intervals, followed by drunken skipping- with a rope that is on fire, and then the climax of rewarding drunk tourists who jump through a fire ring with more shots of alcohol if they survive it without any burns. It was a pretty entertaining social experiment to watch actually.

Anyhoooo, It's 3pm here which means it's about time for our ocean swim/nap/afternoon suntan session before we have to go get ready to watch the sunset...

Tomorrow we're taking a ferry to Krabi, and then flying to Ko Samui, on the East Coast of Southern Thailand, where we will snorkel/scuba a bit before heading to Ko Phang Yan for the Full Moon Party on July 9th. Miss you all loads!! E-mail me and let me know what's new in the zoooooo.... HOLLA! xo